This describes very accurately what happens when I try to talk to my husband about how his emotional affair has affected me. I have gone from being a happy, cconfident women with many interests to being a shell of my former self. I have severe depression and anxiety, even to the point of trying to take my own life four times in two and a half years. For the first year after discovery he minimised, deflected, blamed and raged at me as I tried to get my head around what had happened. It's almost as if he thinks my distress exists just to attack him and make him feel bad. He doesn't behave like someone who understands the consequences his behaviour has had on me, my health and wellbeing. He doesn't show genuine remorse, he thinks everything will be fine so long as I never mention it. (The bit in the article about ego and everything being about and for his needs struck a chord). I can never get him to see how hard it is for me, how I struggle through sleepless nights and feel so low and hopeless during the day.
If he would ever show real empathy things could be so much better for me but I really struggle with feeling disregarded and treated like a nuisance just so he can feel better. I know the sort of responses that would help me but he won't listen. Effectively, I have to drag myself through each day feeling awful just so he "doesn't feel bad about himself". We operate in a way that suits him but doesn't help me in any way. Surely since his emotional affair was all about him and his "friend", he could try to understand that continuing to make everything about himself keeps me stuck in a place of hurt, loneliness and isolation, feeling unloved and not cared about. Sometimes I'm "allowed" to talk but he quickly becomes irritated, impatient and sarcastic. Has anyone managed to find a way to get their unfaithful partner to find a way through their egotistical responses in a way that makes us, the betrayed spouse, feel loved and cared about after having our lives devastated? I really am giving up hope by now.
This is our cycle
This describes very accurately what happens when I try to talk to my husband about how his emotional affair has affected me. I have gone from being a happy, cconfident women with many interests to being a shell of my former self. I have severe depression and anxiety, even to the point of trying to take my own life four times in two and a half years. For the first year after discovery he minimised, deflected, blamed and raged at me as I tried to get my head around what had happened. It's almost as if he thinks my distress exists just to attack him and make him feel bad. He doesn't behave like someone who understands the consequences his behaviour has had on me, my health and wellbeing. He doesn't show genuine remorse, he thinks everything will be fine so long as I never mention it. (The bit in the article about ego and everything being about and for his needs struck a chord). I can never get him to see how hard it is for me, how I struggle through sleepless nights and feel so low and hopeless during the day.
If he would ever show real empathy things could be so much better for me but I really struggle with feeling disregarded and treated like a nuisance just so he can feel better. I know the sort of responses that would help me but he won't listen. Effectively, I have to drag myself through each day feeling awful just so he "doesn't feel bad about himself". We operate in a way that suits him but doesn't help me in any way. Surely since his emotional affair was all about him and his "friend", he could try to understand that continuing to make everything about himself keeps me stuck in a place of hurt, loneliness and isolation, feeling unloved and not cared about. Sometimes I'm "allowed" to talk but he quickly becomes irritated, impatient and sarcastic. Has anyone managed to find a way to get their unfaithful partner to find a way through their egotistical responses in a way that makes us, the betrayed spouse, feel loved and cared about after having our lives devastated? I really am giving up hope by now.