BillA55, great thoughts/questions. when we hate ourselves or the like, we focus on us and again, make it about us. we don't make it about our spouse and their pain and hurt. you're being, as Rick would call it, 'selfish with your shame' as you're allowing the focus to be on you and what choices you made, rather than about her and her pain and her hurt. you may also be angry at you but it's coming out as anger on her and pushing her away, further wounding her and again, as i was an expert at, making it about you not her. this series will help on shame: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame you have much work to do friend. like forgiving yourself which will the help you find freedom to be purely empathetic to her and what you've done to her. what sort of world view do you come from? that will help me make some suggestions as well for you if i know that. we have scholarships for all the online courses my friend. go here to apply for a scholarship to any program we have, minus the in person weekend: https://www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
you'll get through this. if i k now more about your worldview i can help with forgivness for you which will then spill over into compassion for her and what you've put her through. till then, you run the risk of again, being about you and your pain and not hers and her need for healing. does that make sense?
great questions....
BillA55, great thoughts/questions. when we hate ourselves or the like, we focus on us and again, make it about us. we don't make it about our spouse and their pain and hurt. you're being, as Rick would call it, 'selfish with your shame' as you're allowing the focus to be on you and what choices you made, rather than about her and her pain and her hurt. you may also be angry at you but it's coming out as anger on her and pushing her away, further wounding her and again, as i was an expert at, making it about you not her. this series will help on shame: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame you have much work to do friend. like forgiving yourself which will the help you find freedom to be purely empathetic to her and what you've done to her. what sort of world view do you come from? that will help me make some suggestions as well for you if i know that. we have scholarships for all the online courses my friend. go here to apply for a scholarship to any program we have, minus the in person weekend: https://www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
you'll get through this. if i k now more about your worldview i can help with forgivness for you which will then spill over into compassion for her and what you've put her through. till then, you run the risk of again, being about you and your pain and not hers and her need for healing. does that make sense?