I have learned my husband's AP liked rough sex and that she taught him how to do things to her and often scolded him for not doing it hard enough. He has said he was amazed at how much she could take. He has swayed from saying he didn't like it and he felt so bad about doing it to saying how much he liked it. During our 22 years of love making he never initiated anything rough but since the affair there have been moments. Nothing drastic but enough to trigger me and kill my mood as it alarms me that he is missing what he did with her. We have analyzed how destructive and manipulation the relationship was. He says he doesn't miss her or think about when we're together. But I fear he fantasizes about her and the type of sex they had. I was originally relieved to learn that what he did with her was different than with me because it helped cut down the passionate images I was creating in my mind. But now I feel the excitement was in the difference and fear that is what he'll miss or long for I do believe his shame prevents him from really talking about or exploring how he truly felt about it but his silence leads me to believe that he is trying to spare my feelings by saying how much he preferred sex with her. Needless to say this is extremely hard for my shattered self-esteem.