My wife had a one night stand several years ago and D-Day was 10 1/2 months ago. We did EMS Online and I did Harboring Hope. She refused to do Hope for Healing and we have ceased all discussion of the incident. The intrusive thoughts and triggers are fewer and less painful and I have more control over them as time passes. I'm finding in my feelings, that I don't really love my wife anymore. I do more pretending normal than actually being myself. I don't know how to approach her anymore and intimacy is not even close to what it used to be. Is this normal? I don't want a divorce but as Rick said, infidelity is not being fully transparent and honest. Can you please give me some direction?