I’m in Harboring Hope and my wife and I are a little over a year out from D-Day. Despite a long period of her ambivalence, we’ve experienced a lot of progress: I’ve been working on me and addressed the deficits in our marriage that were my responsibility. She hasn’t yet done any real work to heal herself, but she’s apologized, shown remorse, engages with me, talks about our future together, and is caring and affectionate…in other words, she mostly seems to be saying and doing all the right things. Strangely, it’s incredibly confusing; To go from being repulsed by me and cheating on me to showing me what feels like love in a year makes me question if it’s real. After all, she experienced limerance, infatuation, and a connection with someone else and it was all new and exciting. After having those wonderful feelings of “falling in love” with another, why is she choosing me? Why would she ever want me if she knows she won’t get to experience those same loving feelings with me again? Why go back to vanilla after trying rocky road? I understand the practicality and convenience of us staying together – we have two young kids and divorce would destroy us both emotionally and financially – so besides that, why is she still here? I guess my fear is that she’s staying for the kids and the convenience of our marriage and ultimately, not me.