Tug of War. When will my mind decide to stop the constant back and forth? My 2nd question "is there any way this pattern is NOT a sexual addiction"?

Married 28 years. I love my husband. I want my marriage. After six months of lies and trickle truth my spouse, six weeks ago, told me of his first affair 25 years ago, years of porn/masturbation, prostitutes, strip clubs, and finally his most recent - a two-year affair with an employee. My spouse has chosen to give his life to God and is committed to our marriage. His progress and desire to show love astound me daily. My question is when will my brain learn to live for today and quit tugging me into yesterday? This tug of war is exhausting and leaves me feeling such range of emotions. We have done Harboring Hope and Hope for Healing and are now enrolled in EMSO.