My unfaithful left four years ago. He came back and over an extremely long period of time he made changes and gained self-awareness. His pace has been very slow, but the progress steady. He is now becoming much of who I thought he was when I met him, but still, I cannot seem to move past whom he was and how he treated me and the children during his months of the fantasy life. I just don't want to do any work on the marriage or with him. Four years ago, I would have. I am in HH; I've done individual counseling, and am past the trauma. We tried marriage counseling, but it wasn't useful then and I am just not interested now. My question is; how often do unfaithful spouses do the work and the betrayed still wants to leave the marriage? Is this normal? If it happens fairly frequently, do the betrayed tend to later have regrets?