I discovered my husband of 10 years was having a 4 month long emotional and physical affair with one of our employees. During the affair, he said that he was desperately in love with her, that she was his true happiness, that she was amazing, etc. He left me to be with her. After she dumped him, he blamed me for driving them apart. Then 24 hours after he wrote her a final love letter, he came home and claimed he woke up and realized I was who he wants to be with. Now that it is over, he claims none of the feelings were real, since they were based on a fantasy world that was full of lies. He says that since the affair was wrong, his feelings were wrong, and therefore were not real or never happened. I am concerned with how he processes feelings, and what it might mean for any feelings he had for both of us during the affair, and going forward. Am I wrong in thinking that feelings are real, and not good or bad, and that it is what we do with them that matters? It is hard enough to grieve the affair, the choices he made, and how he treated me. But, it is even more confusing when he tells me that since the affair was all lies, he never actually had feelings for her. When, he was clearly in limerence, and was planning on creating a future with her.