Rick,

We are 8 months out from our first DDay. At that time, my husband admitted to a 2.5 year affair. He cut contact and wanted to heal our marriage. We had several more DDays over the next 3 months that revealed that he had had been unfaithful many times during the past 15 years of our 24 year marriage and had a porn addiction. I also found out that he suffered sexual abuse as a child for 5 years. 

We did EMSO, which we found very helpful. I just finished HH, which was also great for me and we have been in couple and individual counseling. We have returned to our church and are praying together every day. We felt we were making progress and things were slowly improving. However, this past weekend has been terrible. We have been marathoning for 2 days. I feel such anger about the affairs and am stuck in this idea that he doesn't love me and couldn't ever have loved me if he did these things, and risked our family and marriage in this way. He says he does and did always love me but I just can't make myself believe it. Do you have any advice for what feels like a huge backslide? After all this work, I am as close as I've ever been to giving up.