After almost 2 years of working on our marriage after my affair came to light, my husband decided to file for divorce. I repeatedly told him I didn't want one. All the while he would say he had to do this, but wanted to marry me again in the future. This kept me holding onto hope...not just for myself, but for our four children. After we both got separate houses and were drafting the documents, I asked him if I would ruin any chances of getting back together if I started seeing other people. He told me "No, that ship has already sailed". I contacted my former affair partner (after 2 1/2 years of not talking to him, seeing him, or even thinking about him). Now he tells me that although his mind wanted the divorce, his heart wasn't into it until I did this. That was the nail in the coffin for our marriage. I am angry at him, angry at myself, and feeling bad on so many levels. My question is, how can I begin to heal our relationship?