Recovery Library PreviewQ&A How Can I Begin to Heal Our Relationship?
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Question:
After almost 2 years of working on our marriage after my affair came to light, my husband decided to file for divorce. I repeatedly told him I didn't want one. All the while he would say he had to do this, but wanted to marry me again in the future. This kept me holding onto hope...not just for myself, but for our four children. After we both got separate houses and were drafting the documents, I asked him if I would ruin any chances of getting back together if I started seeing other people. He told me "No, that ship has already sailed". I contacted my former affair partner (after 2 1/2 years of not talking to him, seeing him, or even thinking about him). Now he tells me that although his mind wanted the divorce, his heart wasn't into it until I did this. That was the nail in the coffin for our marriage. I am angry at him, angry at myself, and feeling bad on so many levels. My question is, how can I begin to heal our relationship?
I couldn't do that...
No part of me wants anything to do with my AP. I want to get myself and my life in order and I would like to help our marriage heal from what I've done. I won't make the same choices ever again because I know how I got there in the first place. It's been 7 months since my affair and I've been putting in effort to be a better man. I feel my faith for the first time in my life. I truly am starting to feel that God has a plan for me. I still struggle, not with thoughts of the AP, but with the thoughts that I am not worthy of God's love. It is something I need to sort out within myself and put a silence to the negative self talk. I'm hoping the 3 courses all help with our healing.