Q&A How Can I Communicate to My Wife That I Wasn't ‘Using’ Her during the Affair? To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library. To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.Question: I had multiple affairs over the course of seven years. One affair was physical and emotional. The others were purely physical or one night stands. My wife and I are nine months from D-Day and two months from another D-Day where I disclosed more information but no additional affairs. We have gone through EMS Online, we continue to read articles, and we’re working together toward healing and reconciliation. During my affairs I still had a functioning relationship with my wife. We still got along, and we had sex. I truly led a. double life and successfully compartmentalized the two. She and I had emotional intimacy problems and other marital problems, but I felt love for my wife, and I wanted to be close to her, affectionate with her, and I wanted to make love to her. All the while I wanted to maintain this other life of an affair with another woman. I realize this was a horrible and completely unjustifiable thing to do. I in no way defend my actions. The question I have is that my wife doesn’t accept that I could want to be close to her, and want to be intimate with her and sexual with her, and at the same time be in an affair with someone else. She insists that I was “using” her, that she was simply “one of my whores”, and that I just cast her aside when I was through with her. She insists that that’s all she was and that it is not possible for her to have been anything else to me during the affair years. Which one of us has the faulty thinking? Me or her? What do we do?Sections: Rick's Q & A timeRick's QuestionsRL_Category: For the Unfaithful SpouseQ&A Recovery LibraryThe Role of EmpathyRL_Media Type: Video