In the process of discovery, my wife revealed that she had been abused in every possible way in the broken engagement that preceded our meeting and falling in love. Because the fiance had been her youth pastor, the help we received took us in the direction of sexual trauma counseling and church abuse. Only recently did it hit us that it was intimate partner/primary attachment betrayal, possibly from the beginning of their relationship. Weeks after my wife broke it off with him—because they weren’t progressing toward marriage, not because it was such a toxic relationship—she got a letter saying he would soon marry a woman (who had been in the picture all along). The abuse was gaslighting, plain and simple. I know, from my own recovery work as a betrayed partner, that she was all-in on that relationship, and we are discovering now that that betrayal trauma—much of which she could not face at all—cast a long shadow over our marriage. I look with horrified new eyes on the things we endured as a young couple, knowing that she may have been experiencing them in the midst of unaddressed betrayal trauma. Any advice on how to proceed with our recovery? It certainly helps me care for my unfaithful spouse, but it piles up work that she already feels overwhelmed with. It’s your point about the historical lens—but she associated me with that betrayal somehow—she even described her recent affair as an act of revenge. Help please.