Discovery was about 3 months ago. We were separated for a month before living together again. My husband works two jobs. So our time together is limited. Often during that time there’s a part of me that’s happy to see him, wants to cuddle and hold hands, and just be happy. Then there’s another part of me that reminds me of all the horrible things he’s done, that I shouldn’t touch him or be happy with him, and even though he’s truly had a change in his heart with God and himself and he is doing everything right in regards to recovery and making me feel safe. There’s still a part of me that is afraid to be happy and have a night that doesn’t involve the affair because I feel as though I’m telling him the affair was okay and that I’m okay and that I’m healed. When none of that is true yet. How do I know in those moments which “side” to choose? Because I don’t want to not guard my heart and make him think that everything is okay and he’s completely forgiven. But I don’t want to be unhappy everyday either if I don’t have to be.