We have watched a multitude of videos about defensiveness, the wayward spouse not making it about themselves, and what they need to do to make the betrayed feel safe. However, the same behaviors keep occurring, albeit sporadically but enough to cause huge safety issues for me. We are in week 3 of EMS Online. I am loosing confidence that real change can occur and will be long lasting when for 9 months he's been unable to tackle the defensiveness and self absorption issues consistently. He seems to have accepted what he is capable of, however told me that although he can do all he can to implement the changes he can't guarantee it won't happen again, because "nothing in life is guaranteed". I feel deflated and almost defeated. How do I move forward knowing that I live in a world where he already has that mindset that this could happen again? I have lived for almost a year in uncertainty (during and post affair), does certainty ever come?