I have never been able to give my wife a full disclosure. Everything she knows was more of a discovery than a disclosure and I feel like I’m not able to answer her questions because I’m so afraid to say something wrong. I have trickle truthed the details of the affair for the past 18 months. My D-Day was on April 14, 2019. I am such a stonewaller that my wife had all of the text messages between my affair partner and myself from my 19 month affair printed it out from the phone bill, needless to say it was beyond traumatizing for her to read everything I had done. She didn’t want me to see it because she thought that it would bring back a euphoric recall for me. I honestly don’t remember half the things that I said or did and I would give anything to be able to disclose to my wife. I have been an EMDR for over a year and I still only get bits and pieces of the horrible things I did. I want to be able to answer her questions about what was real and what wasn’t. How can I make myself remember details from my affair that I seem to have blocked out?