Our D days were April 14, July 7, and July 17 of this year. We just completed the EMS Weekend. My husband is in Hope for Healing and I just registered for Harboring Hope. I am a survivor of child sex abuse, as well as rape. My husband and I were involved in swinging (his desire). Recently we have been trying to re-engage sexually together. I am having very strange intrusive thoughts about him and the affair partners and despite how painful and traumatic it is, I can only climax when those terrible thoughts are in my head. I despise this. I can’t share with my husband because I fear it could be a turn on for him, as he still enjoys the thought of swinging (although has acknowledged it is harmful and will not participate again). I don’t know why these thoughts would plague me or how to deal with them. Please help. I feel crazy.