When I began communicating online with the affair partner she had pictures of her that were probably a decade old. We had a nearly 4 year emotional and eventual physical affair and had known each other since childhood. So, in the heart of the affair we had the opportunity to click on the computer's video camera to see each other and talk. Yet, we never did. Despite planning to be together why didn't either of us turn on the camera-ever-during the entire affair? It would have been so easy. It doesn't make sense...I grew up with a brother 3 years older than me who was a bully. We shared a bedroom in the basement of my parent's house which was where a lot of the abuse took place, unbeknownst to my folks. Most of my childhood spent around him was in fear. He was triggered with just the sight of me and would pummel me just for fun. I couldn't report this to Mom & Dad because of reprisals. So, I kept it all a secret. I endured emotional, mental, and physical abuse to the degree of bed wetting to the age of 11 and hands covered with warts. One time I followed him and a friend up a hillside because I didn't want to be left out. When they had had enough of me they told me to start running and when I proceeded to bolt toward home they shot me in the back with their bb-guns until they had dropped me. I never knew when I would ever be safe. How much of this developmental trauma contributed to me having an affair in adulthood? Am I at risk of now of possessing narcissistic traits? Selfishness? Coldness? Lack of empathy? Did I reenact my trauma?