I believe that my affair was rooted in limerence and that the truly pure essence of love was actually not what the affair partner and I were experiencing. The hundreds, possibly even into the thousands of emails, messages and phone calls included words of love and affection. My betrayed spouse says that because the affair partner and I planned on me moving to be with her and live with her was proof that I was fully in love with the affair partner. Yet, I look back at the affair and wonder how it is even possible that I could have fallen for her. She's not attractive, not kind, no sense of humor, and highly manipulative. My betrayed wife is the opposite. How could that affair have possibly been about love? In our recovery since then my spouse has not let me tell her I love her because of the affair and words of love given to the affair partner. When can I safely begin to tell my lovely wife that I do, indeed, love her?