I am in EMSO, I'm in counseling, reading a lot of books pursuing healing, and I have been openly transparent with close trusted friends and family along with my husband. I am committed to being safe for him and pursuing my own personal journey of healing and to not making any big decisions about the marriage while keeping an open mind. I do plan to enroll in Hope for Healing as well. My husband is a wonderful person and I have genuinely never blamed him for the affair - I knew from the very beginning that something inside me was deeply wrong. I have begun deep diving into understanding the “whys” but the more I am addressing the underlying issues, the less I want to stay married to my husband, and honestly the more I am questioning if I want to be married at all. We have been married 4 years, no kids, and either way - staying together or not - I am sober about the difficulties each choice would bring. I read an AR article saying that if the unfaithful wants out of the marriage that they probably haven't felt sincere remorse yet but I feel like I have accepted responsibility and showed/felt genuine remorse. Is it possible I could still not want to save the marriage?! Or am I just completely deceiving myself? If I don't want to save the marriage, does that mean I don't truly "get it" or that I don't actually have remorse for my actions?