I met my husband during a self destruct period of my life. I had sex with him to punish myself. We ended up pregnant, and because of guilt I told him we should marry, and he said yes. I stood on the alter saying yes out loud, but no to God. I felt trapped, and then trapped myself in marriage. He would lie and steal from me and our children. He would not help with house, kids, yard. I had 6 kids, they are the only thing that made me feel loved. He's worked a steady job less than half the time we've been together. I've painted and mowed the lawn while eight months pregnant. After the csections, I had to clean house against doctors orders. He was angry, mean, abusive, and lazy. I stayed with him when he went blind and went through kidney failure and transplant. We did have a few good times and I always had hope. Until now. He cheated in November. After all the pain, the hardship, he does this! Now he says hes a changed man? Is there anything to even go back to? How do I forgive a lifetime of hurt and then an affair on top of it? Should I even try? Can you build a better marriage from a marriage that never was?