Married 31 years. Initial discovery in June. Full disclosure in November. In October I found he had written dozens of VERY descriptive reviews online, detailing his encounters with escorts over the past 13 years. Prior to this, he admitted to 10 happy ending "massages" over the past 4 years, which included oral sex 3 times and NEVER intercourse. I was barely hanging on trying to digest THAT information. In total, he had 41 "appointments”. He also tried pursuing other avenues and masturbated to porn for 19 years. To make things even more confusing, the man he was then and the man he is now are like two different people. Since June, I have witnessed my husband transforming before my eyes. When I am able to focus on and trust God, I have some peace, but it is fleeting. The length of time he deceived me, the number of women, and the descriptive reviews burned into my brain are more than I can handle. Every memory and picture of us over the past 13 years is now "how long had he been cheating on me then?" I cannot begin to describe the agony I feel. I am starting EMDR this week and am praying it will provide relief for the tormenting thoughts. I love my husband and want to build a new life with him, but I do not see how I will be able to make permanent peace with any of this. Is it possible to get beyond this level of deception and infidelity?