We just watched the video on the cycles of failure and grace. Rick explained so clearly what I hoped my husband would be able to receive. To my disappointment, though he had softened some and acknowledged his failure as a problem originating in him, he was still talking in terms of behavior modification and trying to be “good enough.” I’ve long thought that he didn’t quite understand the concept of grace. Today it hit me: He doesn’t understand God’s grace because he has no concept of unconditional love, support, and acceptance. God is our father but he is also referred to in other parts of the Bible as having warm, nurturing and comforting maternal characteristics, and those attributes of Gods character we learn from out mothers. His mother, though well meaning to the best of her ability, had a rough childhood. Her acceptance is based on meeting her standards and is only given to others about you. Her disapproval is critical and shaming, and culminates in rejection until you’re “good enough.” Is it possible for my husband to know and accept the unconditional love of God and the richness of grace? I now believe this is why he doesn’t recognize and accept mine. I believe he is an addict, which he doesn’t admit, but it seems this concept is critical for recovery.