March 7th will be our 1 year d-day anniversary. I look back and feel I no longer know who I am

We have made great progress in our marriage. Yet I feel with his betrayal I have felt betrayed by God as well. I know it is not true yet I still feel distant and my trust in the Lord has been shaken for sure. It didn't happen right away. In fact at first I spent so much time in the woes. playing worship music all the time, and just crying and asking God to help me deal with the heaviness. But now I’m so distant. It sadenes me, but I feel hurt by the Lord. I feel the purpose I once had is gone. When I found out about my husband's affair I started backing out of all ministry related things. Is this normal? How can my husband help me or am I just left on my own? I feel like the brother of the prodigal son. My heart has left just my physical body remains.