Q&A They had to Know the Affair Would Devastate me, Right?

Hi Rick,

For years, my wife told me repeatedly that if ever cheated on her – even once – she would feel very hurt and disrespected and that it would probably mean the end of our marriage. Then she had an affair. It was over a year ago, and I am still devastated and confused. After discovery she told me she didn't realize how hurtful it would be, nor how much it would threaten our marriage. How in the world am I supposed to believe that? And I know you address this some in Lesson 6 of EMS Online, but I still cannot get my mind around it: how I am supposed to feel that someone wants our marriage when they do the one thing everyone knows puts marriages at the most risk? And how I am I supposed to believe that someone loves and respects me when they do something that we all know is so obviously unkind and disrespectful?