In EMSO, we had to do this assignment of listing the costs of the affair - the unfaithful would list the costs for their mate, and the betrayed as well. There is a huge amount of costs on both sides... As the betrayed, no matter how high the costs for me, I would still prefer to be in my own shoes, and not in my husband's, and that is maybe because I would have a harder time forgiving myself than him?? Do we hold ourselves to higher standards than others? Maybe? Out of feelings of superiority...?? When it comes to recovery yes indeed, the work is quite heavily on me, and that is because I am probably not the most forgiving person in this world (understatement). But I also feel strongly that when I am able to do that, and learn that, there is a lot of benefit in it for me. That I can get to a deeper understanding and empathy for myself and others. Took me quite a while to figure that out, but somehow I can start seeing that light at the end of this tunnel.