Q&A Why Can’t I Give My Spouse Full Disclosure?

I am so lost and don't know why I can't just get the truth out. At the start of January I disclosed that I had had a 10 month sexual month affair. It took 2 months to get the details out, and then I disclosed another affair. Finally I just disclosed a final infidelity. I know this is killing him, and I am trying so hard to tell him the truth in one go, but the final 10% is almost impossible. He has ended up having to hold my hand and I can't stop shaking and have a breakdown. The first two disclosures got violent, but this last he remained calm, but I still couldn't stop shaking and breaking down. As part of my disclosure, I have also told him about a past 2 year sexually and physically abusive relationship I had from the age of 19. I was not strong enough to get myself out as I was suffering PTSD from losing my best friend. I then had a period of 2 years where I tried to self medicate with alcohol and ended up waking up next to several males with no idea what happened. I buried this trauma and felt so much shame. The affairs trigger those same feelings, and I felt like I couldn’t say no. We are taking EMS Online and participating in individual and couples counseling.