Q&A Will My Formerly Wayward Spouse Ever Feel Special to Me Again?

Submitted by Rick_Reynolds Wed, 05/09/2018 - 12:05

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Question: 

My wife and I were both virgins on our wedding night over 28 years ago, so we were both one and onlies...until her multiple infidelities. We have been working through recovery for about a year, and the thing that I have the most trouble with is what I call 'the special'. The specialness encompasses a large number of things like being one and onlies, like saving the sacred gift for your spouse until marriage, like a legacy of faithfulness and being able to pass on to our grandkids that we were one and onlies. Since that is gone, I feel like 'the special' is gone forever and it's not coming back. I thought she was special, I thought I was special to her and I thought we were special. Now I feel like 'the special' has been tossed aside never to return. How do I view my mate if I can't consider her to be special? I do love my wife, but I don't view her as special anymore. If that never comes back, what is your suggestion for the future? I saw many questions in the Q&A from betrayed spouses wondering if they would ever feel special again, but my question is will my formerly wayward spouse ever feel special to me again?

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We were that way too. Both

Submitted by [name hidden] on

We were that way too. Both my wife and I were onlies. That was very special to me and I considered it part of the holiness of our covenant.

All that is gone now. In my mind there was three in our marriage now. Me, my wife, and her adulterous affair partner.

I thought that way for quite some time (my first DDay was 4-1/2 years ago). However, I have started reading a book called "Three to Get Married" and looking into marriage in the church. When a marriage is consummated there are three in the marriage: You, your spouse, and the Lord. When you or your spouse cheats, they also betray the Lord.

At your wedding, God joins you together "and so they are no longer two, they are one flesh" and God is the glue forming a special bond until death.

No third person can take that away from you. No third person can pull that glue out and make that bond go away, unless they kill one or the other of you. No person has the power to affect that bond if you two are still alive.

So yes, your wife and you did have something fairly rare, as I did with my wife. We are now more commonplace, and that loss of special does hurt. However you are UNIQUE with your wife in marriage and that bond is as strong as ever. And there is nothing more special than being unique.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas