Affair Recovery

Preface: In Hope for Healing lesson 5, as a participant, I was asked to examine the difference between a prideful spirit and a broken spirit. At first, I thought maybe I had come up with the "wrong" answer because the other women in my group saw brokenness as a bad thing and a place to be ashamed of. I see brokenness as a catalyst for total transformation. Looking back on my journey through failure, disaster, and gut-wrenching pain, I came up with this definition of brokenness....

It's a typical scenario: the betrayed wants or needs to talk, and the unfaithful just doesn't have it in them at the moment. Enter the phrase that appears to diffuse the situation, yet only exacerbates the entire process of healing: 'let's just talk about it later.' I'm sure you know the rest; the truth is, "later" very seldom ever comes. The unfaithful struggles to find their words and hold on to themselves, and not circle the drain in shame....

After discovery or disclosure of an affair or sexual addiction, the betrayed partner is often overwhelmed with painful reminders, triggers, and insecurities. Re-engaging emotionally with the former unfaithful is difficult enough, but even the thought of resuming sexual activity with their mate can send hurt spouses into a panic spiral. As healthy as connection is, it is also terrifying to be vulnerable again, and both the betrayed and the unfaithful...

For those recovering from infidelity or sexual addiction, establishing regular routines for self-care is key. Finding ways to eat well, exercise, connect with others, and get enough sleep is crucial for continued success in recovery. When you are healthy and balanced mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you’re going to feel good and be more likely to stay on track in your program.

One acronym that we use often at Affair...

I can't count how many times I've said to myself "If I knew then, what I know now... healing would have been so much easier." If there is a missing link to the process of healing from infidelity or addiction, I'm certain that one of the top candidates is developmental trauma. But how do you discover what is and was developmental trauma versus what was just being a child and going through stuff? We'...

The famous mantra "Progress Not Perfection" is a well-known but sometimes misunderstood phrase when it comes to recovery from addiction. Perfectionism in recovery is not a positive thing; since no one is perfect, when you fall short of being perfect in your recovery journey, shame and discouragement enter in. This spiral of negative feelings can often make recovering addicts fall right back into their unhealthy patterns again. However, when you shift the mindset to...

One of my favorite authors, Richard Rhor, states over and over again in his writings that we can choose to 'transmit our pain... or transform our pain.' I've seen me at my worst, and I can be an expert at transmitting my pain to friends, family, innocent bystanders, umpires, you name it. I've also experienced the rich and lasting feeling when I have been able to see my own inner pain transformed into a vessel to...

When first starting out on the road to recovery from an affair or sexual addiction, many people want a quick fix - a book, a video, a weekend retreat to cure them, so their lives can get back to normal as soon as possible. However, the best approach to truly heal is to view recovery as a lifelong process. For true transformation to take place, you need to examine the root causes of behaviors and thoughts, and it is vital to assemble a program to help you stay successful...

I have tailored the truth to my audience for as long as I can remember.

And it started with peanuts. I attended a non-denominational Christian elementary school. One day when I was in the fourth grade, I had to stay in from recess for a reason I don't recall. To ease my pain and disappointment of missing out on the best part of the school day, my friend told me that I could have some of the peanuts she had in her lunch box. So, while the class was outside, I helped...

The point of discovery of infidelity in a marriage is arguably the worst moment in both the unfaithful and the betrayed partner's lives. Emotions on both sides are high and often irrational, and fear and uncertainty about the future are drivers of many high-intensity interactions in the early days following disclosure. While these initial responses are natural, the unfaithful partner has an opportunity to take charge of their own response to kick-start a healthy...

For decades, mental health professionals have stressed the need to have a healthy self-image in life. From self-love, to self-actualization, how we see ourselves is a true game changer, not only in our primary relationships, but also in life. How much more should our self-image be repaired after the disclosure of infidelity? After betrayal trauma enters the picture, our lives seem to completely unravel, and we find ourselves looking for any handle to hold onto in order...

Today you'll hear from our newest video blogger, Mickey. Have you ever considered that there may be benefits to addiction recovery work? Maybe you're wondering 'can anything good ever come of my addiction?' Today you'll hear not only a few positives that have come out of Mickey's journey, but you'll also gain a palatable understanding of how to move through addiction into wholeness and personal restoration.

In the journey of healing, it's vital that we...

Last time we talked about the reality of forgiveness - what it is and what it isn't - and how forgiveness plays a vital role in recovery and potential reconciliation. So why don't people forgive? Lots of reasons. Fear, pride, anger, resentment,...

It's no secret that infidelity is traumatizing. But what about childhood trauma? What about neglect and/or abuse as a child? The hard truth is, healing from all levels of trauma is difficult, and infidelity trauma doesn't help. When trying to heal from this type of pain, it's vital we have practical tools that we can use to find solace and ultimately, learn to self-soothe. Today, Samuel shares four tools he has used in his own journey of healing, from...