Its been about 5 weeks since I found out about my wife's affair (She voluntarily disclosed it). So far the only people that know about it are me, my wife, our pastor (getting counseling) and the spouse of the other betrayer (so 5 people).

The affair has fully ended (there is no contact between them, and it had already been physically over a couple months when I found out). My wife is fully committed to rebuilding our marriage.Their are kids involved on in both families. More or less the idea has been to keep the affair private (doesn't seem wise to do any more damage to kids, families, parents, reputations, etc). I guess I'm just wanting to get some confirmation that that is the right choice, it seems wisest in my logical head. Its difficult when I'm around people who know I'm struggling with something emotionally and don't know what it is.

Of course I'm here on AR.com where our anonymity is protected. But I'd just like to hear your thoughts on if this really is the best course of action.

Thanks so much for your site, it has been a huge help in trying to navigate this emotionally confusing time.

My husband and I just completed the first week of EMSO and although it was stressed on the call and in the lesson that full truth and disclosure is essential, my husband is still refusing to talk. He keeps telling me that he can't keep talking about it. He insists that he's stated everything and disclosed everything, yet, when I asked him I learned that he had had unprotected sex when he previously insisted that they always used condoms. Then he makes me crazy by stating that he had already disclosed that to me. This is what's infuriating and hurtful. I am powerless because he holds all the cards about the affair and shuts down any attempts at truly getting it all out to my level of need. He has not offered a full confession and disclosure on his own but has held it all tight to himself and only dispenses the questions being asked. I see that other unfaithful spouses offer the gesture of honesty and full disclosure out of kindness, repentance and respect for the hurt spouse. I wonder if that is just not something possible in my marriage despite our desire to repair the damage from the affair.

Hi Rick - I have a question I hope you can help with. I am the unfaithful spouse, and my wife is the betrayed spouse. The other day, we were at the grocery store, and I went over to ask a female store worker where the item was. After the interaction, my wife thought I was flirting with the woman, where I thought I was just being friendly. It was not my intention to flirt with the woman, but I trust my wife's interpretation of the interaction from the outside.
As we've processed this, I realize I need to know how to be friendly with women, but not flirty. Can you help provide some guidelines for this? Thanks!