It has been three months since d day, but three weeks since I was told the truth of the affair and all it's details. My husband wants my forgiveness, but I don't want to give it. If my heart isnt ready to be vulnerable with him. Question: does forgiveness have to happen now, or can we move forward with healing, and forgiveness will come later? Thanks

How do I detach from my husband's recovery? This reconciliation is on my mind 24/7 and I read books, listen to sermons, post questions on here, read the forum, pray, memorize scripture, active in church and our ladies prayer group. Work on my "garbage" like my dependent personality and fears. How do I quit paying attention to his recovery? He just hasn't quite "gotten it yet" and we are headed into week 6 of EMSO. I wake up everyday wondering if today will be the day that he really sees how this has affected me and that he doesn't think of himself foremost. How do quit taking on his recovery? I just want him to get it...to feel for me and not focus on his pain. AM *I* being selfish now? I feel so messed up. I don't know how to become healthy without him and honestly THAT scares the crap out of me.

My wife and I cannot peaceably discuss intimacy. I feel like there should be both physical and emotional intimacy in our marriage, while she believes we can survive as a couple with just emotional. When I want to talk about intimacy and try to increase our emotional intimacy, she thinks I am wanting sex and refuses to participate. How can I approach the idea of her allowing emotional intimacy and non-sexual physical touch when she believes I will just want more?

My husband is in an emotional/physical affair in which he confessed to me he is in love with the AP. He has communicated to me he would like to work on our marriage but wants to seek counseling for his affair addiction which started out as an internet pornography addiction before he will work on the marriage. He feels if he doesn't handle these issues our work on recovery will be for nothing. Question I have is what qualifications should the counselor have to deal with these specific problems. Can you list what he should be asking to determine who he goes to. I don't want him to go to a counselor to have him explore his feelings for the AP and myself and the counselor giving him an option of deciding who he should be with. I heard this happens and am very worried. I want to make sure he is going to someone that works with infidelity and recovery of marriages.