I was one of those people who were able to forgive very quickly after discovery, so I thought! I think I was lying to myself as the pain raged on inside of me. It seemed as though, the more my pain was denied the more it seemed to intensify. This was my pain and if I gave it up through forgiveness, I thought I was giving up what little power I had over this heinous act of betrayal. Through this pain I have learned a great deal about human nature. As time passed through the day of discovery to almost two years now, I have learned to forgive through an accounting process. I actually wrote down all the ways that I was sinned against and carried this written word with me everywhere. Through time I was able to eliminate each one until they did not have quite the effect on me as they once did. The lying, the secrecy, among others still exist on my list, but I have found forgiveness. The lying and the secrecy are still on my list as a way of remembering. I will ALWAYS remember the pain that came on that day—d-day, even as I pen this note the tears still flow! I can tell you that I can spot the lie and secrecy very quickly, but instead of spying or snooping it is very quickly and easily discussed with not only my spouse but others in my life too. And I am starting to view d-day not as the worst day of my entire life anymore, but rather the day when I was liberated!
Forgiveness through an Accounting Process
I was one of those people who were able to forgive very quickly after discovery, so I thought! I think I was lying to myself as the pain raged on inside of me. It seemed as though, the more my pain was denied the more it seemed to intensify. This was my pain and if I gave it up through forgiveness, I thought I was giving up what little power I had over this heinous act of betrayal. Through this pain I have learned a great deal about human nature. As time passed through the day of discovery to almost two years now, I have learned to forgive through an accounting process. I actually wrote down all the ways that I was sinned against and carried this written word with me everywhere. Through time I was able to eliminate each one until they did not have quite the effect on me as they once did. The lying, the secrecy, among others still exist on my list, but I have found forgiveness. The lying and the secrecy are still on my list as a way of remembering. I will ALWAYS remember the pain that came on that day—d-day, even as I pen this note the tears still flow! I can tell you that I can spot the lie and secrecy very quickly, but instead of spying or snooping it is very quickly and easily discussed with not only my spouse but others in my life too. And I am starting to view d-day not as the worst day of my entire life anymore, but rather the day when I was liberated!