I read this article before going to bed and I could not get it off my mind. Infidelity is a conscious and deliberate act of betrayal. The situation described here was a tragic accident. The two are just not the same. My husband often struggles to understand why it is so difficult for me to move on from the pain caused by his 8-year-long affair. It has been three years since discovery, and I still struggle with depression, crying, triggers, etc. My husband has experienced a number of tragedies in his own life. He lost his mother to cancer when he was just a young boy. He also witnessed a close friend lose his life in a tragic accident. He will often use those examples to shame me for not getting over the infidelity quickly enough. He says that he also experienced bad things in life, but he realized you can’t change the past, so he figured out how to let it go and just move forward. He says I should be able to do the same. I just do not see the situations as being the same. His mother would never have chosen to get sick and leave him. He can take comfort in that knowledge. When his friend was tragically killed, he received an outpouring of kindness and support from others to help him through the grieving process. Betrayal is such a unique situation. The person you love and trust the makes a series of deliberate hurtful choices over many years. It was not a one-time mistake or accident. His lies were woven into the daily life of our family for several years. The discovery of infidelity brings shame to both spouses. There is no funeral to help you grieve the loss. There is no outpouring of support because you don’t want everyone to know. I acknowledge there are many things in life that are much worse than having a cheating spouse. I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of my children. I know there would be no comparison. I just am growing tired of being misunderstood by my husband. Betrayal trauma changes a person in ways that are so different from other types of trauma. The only thing I could relate to from this article was the fact that forgiveness is a process. With infidelity, you are not forgiving a single act of wrongdoing. You must learn how to forgive daily because there will always be intrusive thoughts or new discoveries about past events. It’s a pain that just keeps on giving every day. I came back to this article several hours later just to read the comments to see if other people may have felt the same way I did. It really bothered me that much. I feel somewhat better knowing that I am not alone.
Infedelity is an Intentional Act
I read this article before going to bed and I could not get it off my mind. Infidelity is a conscious and deliberate act of betrayal. The situation described here was a tragic accident. The two are just not the same. My husband often struggles to understand why it is so difficult for me to move on from the pain caused by his 8-year-long affair. It has been three years since discovery, and I still struggle with depression, crying, triggers, etc. My husband has experienced a number of tragedies in his own life. He lost his mother to cancer when he was just a young boy. He also witnessed a close friend lose his life in a tragic accident. He will often use those examples to shame me for not getting over the infidelity quickly enough. He says that he also experienced bad things in life, but he realized you can’t change the past, so he figured out how to let it go and just move forward. He says I should be able to do the same. I just do not see the situations as being the same. His mother would never have chosen to get sick and leave him. He can take comfort in that knowledge. When his friend was tragically killed, he received an outpouring of kindness and support from others to help him through the grieving process. Betrayal is such a unique situation. The person you love and trust the makes a series of deliberate hurtful choices over many years. It was not a one-time mistake or accident. His lies were woven into the daily life of our family for several years. The discovery of infidelity brings shame to both spouses. There is no funeral to help you grieve the loss. There is no outpouring of support because you don’t want everyone to know. I acknowledge there are many things in life that are much worse than having a cheating spouse. I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of my children. I know there would be no comparison. I just am growing tired of being misunderstood by my husband. Betrayal trauma changes a person in ways that are so different from other types of trauma. The only thing I could relate to from this article was the fact that forgiveness is a process. With infidelity, you are not forgiving a single act of wrongdoing. You must learn how to forgive daily because there will always be intrusive thoughts or new discoveries about past events. It’s a pain that just keeps on giving every day. I came back to this article several hours later just to read the comments to see if other people may have felt the same way I did. It really bothered me that much. I feel somewhat better knowing that I am not alone.