After more than a dozen years of marriage, I stumbled into mountains of proof (saved emails, screen shots, photos) of my husband living a double life. To our family and friends he’s the adoring, gift giving, perfect husband. The truth is that he’s a sex addict who’s not only cheated on me with boomers but had a 6+ month affair and for longer than I’ve known him (17 yrs) been soliciting sexual interaction via online forums, dating sites, and prostitution (both female and shemale) websites. Much of what I read that fateful April day last year made me physically sick. After stonewalling me for several hours he finally acknowledged his activities and he’s the one who suggested “maybe” he had a problem with porn. But it goes far beyond porn. He found a CSAT and began therapy but dropped out 4 mos later insisting he could “fix it” on his own. He insisted he’s stopped trolling the web for sex & digital interaction but I have serious doubts. The pain of his many betrayals is as haunting as it is emotionally devastating, and I’m still triggered often. I saw a therapist for about 7 months but she pushed divorce so strongly that I stopped seeing her. Now, I just feel adrift. My husband doesn’t understand why I don’t just forgive & forget & put it behind us, because hey - it’s been 9 months and he’s the perfect husband again, right? I feel like my soul is tired and lost, and I don’t know how to find myself again or even begin to trust him. I don’t know if I ever will.
Discovering his secret life
After more than a dozen years of marriage, I stumbled into mountains of proof (saved emails, screen shots, photos) of my husband living a double life. To our family and friends he’s the adoring, gift giving, perfect husband. The truth is that he’s a sex addict who’s not only cheated on me with boomers but had a 6+ month affair and for longer than I’ve known him (17 yrs) been soliciting sexual interaction via online forums, dating sites, and prostitution (both female and shemale) websites. Much of what I read that fateful April day last year made me physically sick. After stonewalling me for several hours he finally acknowledged his activities and he’s the one who suggested “maybe” he had a problem with porn. But it goes far beyond porn. He found a CSAT and began therapy but dropped out 4 mos later insisting he could “fix it” on his own. He insisted he’s stopped trolling the web for sex & digital interaction but I have serious doubts. The pain of his many betrayals is as haunting as it is emotionally devastating, and I’m still triggered often. I saw a therapist for about 7 months but she pushed divorce so strongly that I stopped seeing her. Now, I just feel adrift. My husband doesn’t understand why I don’t just forgive & forget & put it behind us, because hey - it’s been 9 months and he’s the perfect husband again, right? I feel like my soul is tired and lost, and I don’t know how to find myself again or even begin to trust him. I don’t know if I ever will.