After reading each one of these types of affairs, I feel my wife (yes, my wife. It’s not always the men who are prone to cheat) would probably fit into ALL of the categories except (maybe) the one night stand. After her multiple affairs through the years, I can look back and see my entire marriage as cycle after cycle of trauma and recovery, tragedy and survival, over and over again. Maybe she would fit best into wanting both the marriage and an AP. I so want to be done yet I feel I’m supposed to hang on for some reason. One thing is certain. In the past, separation and divorce was shameful. Today, staying is the new shame.

my husbands affairs were both 4 and 5 and even though it has been over 6 years since d day 4/21/12...I still feel the pain, experience triggers and question our staying together every day, he says he is sorry but says I should be over it, he ended the affar immediately, as far as I know, and has had no further contact...but I studied her and their affair and cannot stand what he chose to kill me with...

My husband had 3 affairs over a 7 Year time period. We had been married almost 11 years when he became an adulter. He developed intense sexual relationships with married mothers at his job, one of them lasting almost 4 years. The AP in that relationship even had a baby during that time. They both claim that the child born is her husbands, but unless a paternity test is done we really don’t know. Nearly all sexual encounters occurred in a car in public parking lots, or the parking garage of the hospital where he worked. It’s been about 2.5 years since discovery of his second life. He’s the kind that can compartmentalize parts of his life, so I’m thinking that his affairs were somewhere between love addiction and wanting the marriage and the affairs. I’m saying this because he came home every day like he did the day before, but he couldn’t ever walk away from the relationship once it started. He literally either had to be dumped or get caught in order to stop. I received his adulteress text messages b/w he and AP #3 on my laptop after performing a software update. The entire conversation that I was able to read was the most heartbreaking thing....it was full of complements of her beauty, and emojis with heart eyes and kissy faces. He even told her that sometimes he wants to strangle me. I can honestly say that I had no idea that this was going on behind my back, as he told me that he loved me every single day, we made life plans together, took family vacations, and taught a Sunday School together. I’ve suffered from depression, embarrassment, self doubt, and post traumatic stress....I wouldn’t even wish this on the ladies that lived like that in the back seat of a car with my husband. We are still together, only by the Grace of God. He’s had to work hard to keep his family together. I continue to struggle with staying with him despite his relentless attempts to make this work. At times I don’t feel understood by him, at the impact that this has had on my inner being. I’m a different person now, and sometimes I don’t like who I’ve become as a result of this. I guess there’s a reason why God clearly says don’t commit adulatory in the Bible. My husband’s actions have not only affected our family, but the spouses and children of all involved....8 children total including our 2 daughters. Some days I have hope for us, and others I want out of this so much that all that I can do is cry. Infidelity is the most selfish act that a spouse can commit, I mean, his happiness with coworkers far outweighed my life. Best wishes to those of you experiencing this! It’s a tough road!

After more than a dozen years of marriage, I stumbled into mountains of proof (saved emails, screen shots, photos) of my husband living a double life. To our family and friends he’s the adoring, gift giving, perfect husband. The truth is that he’s a sex addict who’s not only cheated on me with boomers but had a 6+ month affair and for longer than I’ve known him (17 yrs) been soliciting sexual interaction via online forums, dating sites, and prostitution (both female and shemale) websites. Much of what I read that fateful April day last year made me physically sick. After stonewalling me for several hours he finally acknowledged his activities and he’s the one who suggested “maybe” he had a problem with porn. But it goes far beyond porn. He found a CSAT and began therapy but dropped out 4 mos later insisting he could “fix it” on his own. He insisted he’s stopped trolling the web for sex & digital interaction but I have serious doubts. The pain of his many betrayals is as haunting as it is emotionally devastating, and I’m still triggered often. I saw a therapist for about 7 months but she pushed divorce so strongly that I stopped seeing her. Now, I just feel adrift. My husband doesn’t understand why I don’t just forgive & forget & put it behind us, because hey - it’s been 9 months and he’s the perfect husband again, right? I feel like my soul is tired and lost, and I don’t know how to find myself again or even begin to trust him. I don’t know if I ever will.

Going over these, we don't fit one fully. I just recently discovered the extent of my partners infidelity. My mate had several one night stands decades back. He had an emotional affair, that turned into a physical affair, it was with someone very close to us. He tried to keep the affair going longterm while remaining in our relationship, I found out later. But there were several other episodes of cheating that happened years later, that don't quite fit in these. He wasn't pursuing emotional affairs, there wasn't love, but they also weren't one night stands. It was with more than one woman, and it happened more than one time with each of them. There was also, the now typical, virtual cheating, which involved some of the same women. I'm not sure where we fit....

What do you do if it started as a #1 then progressed to a#2? I’m almost a year and a half into reconciliation. He has been great but I’m still having so much difficulty.

Is it possible that I can have a combination of the different type. I'm the wayward spouse, we are 2 years past D day and the more I learn the more confused I get trying to pinpoint why I did this and how I might categorize my type of affair.

Thirty eight years into our happy marriage I discovered by accident my husbands infidelity. He has revealed the depth of his infidelity that encompasses all 6 categories of infidelity. His remedy after the reveal was to engage in another betrayal (Love affair) with the OW who was also married! Devastated, but still love my husband, but not coping very well!

I am in a strange situation. I am guessing it was a one night stand but would welcome any insight. We have been married 14 years and before our marriage my husband had a hair dresser who was 25 years older. He went to her for most of his adult life for hair cuts. When he as 29 or 30 years old and she was 55 or 56 she blatantly asked him to have sex which only lasted 10 minutes and neither took their clothes completely off. She probably didn't get much out of it. This took place 3 times over a year, same seniero.

Then we were married when he was 38 and this whole time he continued to get his haircut with this older lady. When we were married about 8 years she blatantly come out and ask him to have sex like before and she was around 70 years old and he was around 45. He said he felt somewhat pressured but followed through and it was the same scenario it lasted about 10 minutes and they did not get completely undressed and then you left. Then when he went back for his 2-month haircut she asked him again to have a quickie and he followed through same scenario only this time he told her that it would have to stop. He continued to get his haircut there until she died at the age of 75. This came out in a polygraph test that I demanded because of suspicions. I believe this was how it happened and the polygraph and he verified it. I thought of several things could it be mommy issues could it be low self-esteem could it be just sex. I've always been career-oriented and took care of my own needs so I'm sure that was also a problem. Nonetheless I suffered a great deal of trauma from this. I can't rip my brain around a young man having sex with such an older female who came on so strong and obviously had her own issues. Anyone have any feedback for me I would appreciate it I'm trying to recover. I would like to add my husband is mortified and very embarrassed about who he's had sex with.