We are 8 weeks out from d-day. I asked questions as I thought I could handle the answers. Some things I'm ok with, like the emotional aspect of his affair..because none of those were real..they were based in fantasy and not a real relationship..even though he thought do at the time. The problem lies in the FACT that he had srx outside of us. I know the area of the hotel where one duch act took place, but I am obcessing over which one. I know he went shopping with her, took her to a restaurant while I was out of town. Now I feel like I am going to vomit when I pass the store and restaurant, because I have a tangible landmine knowing her was there with her. I obsess over sexual details. Really x rated ones..positions etc, conversations before and after..funny thing is, he says sex was always better with me. I enjoy hearing him tell me how I am better, what she wouldn't do with him, etc.
So, my question is this...do I ask what hotel and have that tangible landmine? Do I find out how many times? To hom, once he had sex with her and was unfaithful, what's the difference how many times it happened. To me...I wish he would have stopped...everytime he met her at a hotel is a new betrayal to me.
So, how do we disclose what I feel I need to know, and not create tangible landmines?? He is torn and so am I. I am driving us both crazy.
Information vs landmines
We are 8 weeks out from d-day. I asked questions as I thought I could handle the answers. Some things I'm ok with, like the emotional aspect of his affair..because none of those were real..they were based in fantasy and not a real relationship..even though he thought do at the time. The problem lies in the FACT that he had srx outside of us. I know the area of the hotel where one duch act took place, but I am obcessing over which one. I know he went shopping with her, took her to a restaurant while I was out of town. Now I feel like I am going to vomit when I pass the store and restaurant, because I have a tangible landmine knowing her was there with her. I obsess over sexual details. Really x rated ones..positions etc, conversations before and after..funny thing is, he says sex was always better with me. I enjoy hearing him tell me how I am better, what she wouldn't do with him, etc.
So, my question is this...do I ask what hotel and have that tangible landmine? Do I find out how many times? To hom, once he had sex with her and was unfaithful, what's the difference how many times it happened. To me...I wish he would have stopped...everytime he met her at a hotel is a new betrayal to me.
So, how do we disclose what I feel I need to know, and not create tangible landmines?? He is torn and so am I. I am driving us both crazy.