Affair Recovery

it's been a long hard week and i missed your post and i apologize for it being three days. it's a tough call. for starters, i don't get nor believe the whole "i am too comfortable in our home..." to be that seems like bull. i'm sorry to be so frank, but I have a hard time believing that. it's always a nightmare when a spouse works with the ap as most ap's are not going to pull away. they will take that opportunity to still keep him close as they're together during the day. each situation is different, but it's a huge concern. for starters, i'd use this article on how to get him to cooperate, ie if you won't get help, then we need to do this______. https://www.affairrecovery.com/dealing-infidelity-how-get-your-mate-cooperate-without-being-controlling He shouldn't be in control of what happens to you and your life. if he wants to go away, well at some level, he can go away and maybe he needs to find another place to live? i mean, if he isn't healthy, then perhaps he needs to get some separation between you and your home and your kids. like they say, he doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too. this is marriage. this is life. real life. with consequences. and if he can just go out and do what he wants and come home, he will most likely just do that. i think it's great you said if you turn to her it's over, but will you know if he does. i'd give him an ultimatum that either he comes with you to the ems weekend, or you all separate as it's not fair to the kids to do that. if he won't get expert help, there's a problem and he may not be wanting to give up his affair partner? does all this make sense? i'm happy to speak to it more for you if you like, but that's what I would do. though you love him, you need to give him tough love. dobson has a wonderful book on that, but also this article may help: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/is-your-marriage-pleasing-versus-loving let me know what you think..