I can’t stop thinking about all of the things I learned from my husband’s affair. I found him at a woman’s house on February 1 this year after he did not come home from work the night before. His affair went on for two months and went back-and-forth several times, I never gave up the fight for my husband. He ended the affair on his own and didn’t tell me for a few days I decided I was what he wanted after all. We are both taking the individual courses and EMS Online. I get caught up in the memory of all the text messages I found, dirty photos I found exchanged, and the proof that told me when he was lying to me and why he was late also how many times he spoke to her by text right next to me at home. I can’t stop with the “how and why“ questions that I know he can’t answer. The things that come out of my mouth are horrible, I honestly feel I lose all control of what I’m saying and my watch tells me my heart rate is off the wall, I know this is flooding but this is really keeping me from healing. I really can’t even apologize for the things that I say because part of me feels I might mean it and another part feels bad, all the while I wish I could hate him so I can leave and move on. I have never been religious but always wanted to be. I get hung up on wondering why I’ve experienced so much pain and loss in my life. How can I take control of my life so that I can forgive and trust God to get me through it? I love my husband. He does some work but not nearly enough in my opinion. He is also a lot about himself being prideful, angry, and defensive. I trust your words, I love your videos and you have helped me before. Can you help me take control of myself?