I feel like my spirit will know when there has been a change that I desire. I spend quiet time with God every day or almost every day. I would take comfort knowing that he has received God’s love and is truly nurturing that relationship and becoming a new person in God. It has been a year and a half since the disclosure of one night stands, which came out only because I forced him to do a couple’s intensive that had a polygraph test. I have allowed for time to go by because we did have legal repercussion because of his infidelities (he had required group, community service etc.). Now that most of that piece is over, I’m ready for healing. I’m ready to see changes. I have told him that in order for me to feel safe there are things that I need to see one of them is accountability, a group of men that he can authentic and real). I want to see that he has relationship with other men where he can share from deep down in his heart. We just started couple counseling office last month. We’ve gone as a couple twice. I’ve gone by myself a few times in the last month and a half. We do not have insurance that covers mental health, we have Medicare. I know God and I also know that we are judged by our fruit. When I see him spending most of his time on talk radio and sports websites. And I don’t see him working on his relationship with God then I have insecurities in our relationship. I can forgive him for the infidelities. I believe that I have. What I’m having a hard time with now is lack of effort into healing, valuing me, valuing my needs for change for my safety. right now I’m ready to see it and if he’s not ready to show it. I need to do something.