When do unfaithful women shift from what the affair has cost them and look through the eyes of their spouse and others who have been hurt? I don't know if we are going to make it, no transparency, she doesn't feel it’s necessary to apologize for her two past contacts. One contact lasted for two months in April & May and another one last August 31. I still have unanswered questions about her affair. Not that I would need them answered if I thought she was making progress by being interested in doing hope for healing or EMS(O). She is going to counseling with me and the state of defensiveness is still taking center stage for her. I wish i knew what is going on in her head to not be able to communicate she understands my pain and validates my feelings. I tried to get her to work on the marriage in September but that did not happen. Imago therapy is now what we are doing. I am hoping she can finally sit and listen. We had a child centered marriage before the affair and her FOO issues are center stage IMHO ,but she hasn't connected the dots. Her affair has made her a new batch of allies (friends) and they supported her "you deserve to be happy" moments, reaffirming her in her decision to reengage with the AP. They tend to support her in many of her decisions that run counter to AR theory.