My husband says he wanted the affirmation he received from his AP but that she was not always attractive to him and he thought a lot of negative things about her even during the affair. He tried to make her feel very bad about herself and was very manipulative with her. He would think about me whenever he was with her and wanted to take out his anger towards me by his actions with her. He says he was acting out driven by wanting to reject me before I rejected him. She was very verbally affirming of him and this is what he got a “fix” from. He has been addicted to porn for 20+ years and said she was essentially porn come to life and made him feel disgusted with himself after he would act out with her. I’m so confused because he swears it didn’t feel euphoric but was fueled by anger guilt and shame. Please help me understand.