I watched your video on autonomy vs mutuality and it rocked my world. You described the last 20 years I've spent living with my spouse. The last 11 years especially has seemed like a battle to be heard and to have a say in our life because it's been all about his hopes and dreams and ambitions while I stay at home and watch the kids. I think this battle played a major part in his having an affair. I truly want to be supportive but his dream gives me great insecurity (he spends a lot of time in high risk situations, around high risk people, late at night, though he will disagree that it's high risk) and leaves me feeling incredibly alone. I feel I only have value to him if he gets to live the life he wants whether or not it's anything I want. He left our family earlier in the year because he wants what he wants, with or without me. Do you have any advice for the spouse of someone who's been autonomous for nearly 20 years in addition to being passive aggressive in the choices they make? How does a spouse over come this without giving over their own power, control and desires for a marriage based on mutuality? I really want to make my marriage work.