Throughout the 7-month-affair I had, I told myself crazy lies, for example, that even though I invited a man to stay in my hotel room for a weekend that this didn't mean that I was going to have a sexual encounter with him and on and on. When I tell my husband these self-deceptive thoughts to try to help him have insight into my mentality at the time, they sound unbelievable; it seems impossible that someone could actually have believed such things. He struggles when I say, "I know this is no excuse and what I did was wrong, during that time what I told myself was..." He will often say," what do you mean you told yourself, there's just you, who were you talking to?" How important is it that he works to understand that state of mind that I was in and how powerful self-deception and denial can be? Is this worth our time and effort in healing or should we just be focusing on grieving, forgiving and building new memories?