It has been 10 months since D-Day, when I found out my wife of 20 years had an 11 year affair starting just under 8 years into our marriage. She was grieving the loss of her grandmother and scared due to financial stresses we were having. She attempted to end the affair about a year into it, but he threatened to expose her and started gaslighting her. About 5 years into the affair, my wife had a one-time affair, while she was still seeing her affair partner. She was very unhappy with her affair partner and her reasons for the one-time 2nd affair include getting rid of him, escaping her dual life “reality”, needing to feel good…all while things seemed “happy” and intimate in our marriage. Though I suspected something early in the affair, she denied it and we moved on. She had a traumatic childhood and adolescence. Her parents divorced when she was young, she became sexually active at 14 years old, and there was a period during her teenage years that she was abandoned by her parents. She ended up having to use sex for food. Her marriages seem to all follow the same pattern. The relationships become unhappy and she would commit infidelity to escape the unhappiness. She was able to do well for a period of time then when things got bad she would use infidelity to escape it.