My spouse had 2 affairs. The second affair lasted for almost 4 years. I had 3 awful d-days and still don't know the full truth. My spouse has prioritized the affair partner, including one supposed last communication that he said he would show me before sending, but deleted it and lied about it amongst other things for the past 11 1/2 years. My husband has stated on occasions that the affair partner has always been the one, yet says now in recovery that he loves me. The affair partner keeps showing up in his life and our marriage about every 15 years. I keep believing he has left a back door open for her. What are your thoughts?