Q&A How Do I Set Boundaries for Myself While Staying Compassionate for My Spouses Issues?

D-Day was November 2024, followed by months of trickle truths - making it very hard for me to feel or believe that "now I've told you everything" isn't just another lie. My unfaithful wife was diagnosed with BPD recently, after a suicidal thoughts that she was hospitalized for. With all this sensitive and unfolding drama - it seems that my need for safety and stability, also the life of transformation I seek for myself, is being continually tested & questioned, then weaponized to say that she is somehow the victim in this, with no choice but to follow the new "rules" as she calls them. How can I deal with this child/parent dynamic that I do not want to participate in, while staying compassionate for her BPD and shame issues? I'm trying to balance my needs to heal, demand change for myself, and safety and peace. She is good at DARVO when I bring any issues up, I recognize that it could be part of the BPD but still discouraging.