Q&A How Do I Stop the Cycle of Self-Sabotage and Regain My Identity?

My husband and I are 18 months post the last D-Day. There were 10 major betrayals that were disclosed over 4 months. Some of these betrayals by him, he has said, were a result of a physical affair that I had - which is complicated. My husband and I were involved in swinging. I turned into someone my husband had never seen before. I lied to him about it, as I really didn't fully understand myself. My husband in his pain began acting out frequently-this had been a coping pattern for him throughout our marriage although never turned into a physical affair until post my betrayal. I had an emotional affair during the time of his acting out as well, that was short lived. We were in chaos. Today he has shown himself safe. He is working on recovery in many ways- we did EMS Weekend. He did Hope for healing, I did Harboring Hope. Our recovery has been extremely hard... and complicated. I have acted out with aggressive flirting at times throughout our recovery. Always after drinking. I have given up drinking recently. I am really struggling with my self worth and my identity as a woman. I have to work with someone my husband was very inappropriate with, and I also have to work with someone I was very flirtatious with... We both have triggers. I find myself feeling like I don't even know who I am anymore. I have CPTSD from childhood abuse - sexual, emotional, mental. I am really really struggling, and as a result my husband feels unsafe. I am getting therapy and EMDR. My therapist is a good fit and trauma informed - and supports my decision to stay married. I just don't know how to get a healthy and sound sense of myself any longer and even know who I am. Just when I feel like we are making progress, it feels like something happens to thwart our recovery - by one of us. Usually me. Help.