I know my husband is remorseful and ashamed. He shows me he cares every day. And yet, 5 months post D-Day I feel no closer to accepting what has happened or what he has done. I cannot get my mind around how he gave himself permission to betray me and our kids. I find instead of improving with this course -- I'm getting angrier and angrier and starting to just loathe him. I find myself barraging him with questions and insulting him all the time, calling him evil and scum. At times I feel such hatred and disgust. I'm not proud of myself. I just can't seem to control my rage and I don't find myself coping well, despite taking the Harboring Hope course. My husband says I start to spiral out of control, and I should recognize it when it starts. But once I start getting upset and angry -- I seem to be a tornado that can't stop. And then I become excruciatingly depressed. How do people truly move beyond this pain? I feel like my personality has changed, and I'm not myself anymore. I feel broken.