I have been in therapy on and off, tried medications, and recently had two sessions of EMDR which were not helpful. My husband fully disclosed his year long affair in one sitting, other than details I requested later. He has been open, repentant, and supportive in my pain, and has been consistent in his story, words, and behavior since disclosure. I have no real reason to doubt what he has told me. For six months following disclosure, I believed everything he said about the details and his mindset. He was broken and felt rejected by me. He described a superficial sexual relationship with his boss, that he did not love her but craved the attention she aggressively offered, working together daily. It made sense and though I was devastated, I understood as well as I could. Around the nine month mark, I began to second guess everything. There was no external reason for this. Now, this has been almost a daily pattern for the last 6 months. I generally go to bed feeling close to him and willing to be vulnerable, but wake up angry and distant, just knowing it’s all lies, believing he did not love me, viewed me as disposable, and laughed to himself when he looked me in the eye and lied about where he had been and telling me he loved me etc. I can’t seem to stop this cycle and we are exhausted.