My husband and I are working really hard at recovery. We have done Hope for Healing, Harboring Hope, and are now doing EMSO... as well as individual therapy. Even though my husband still doesn't know if he wants this marriage, we can see our progress and how God is helping us heal. One big challenge I keep running into is the fact that my infidelity to him has been happening since the very beginning of our marriage, potentially right before our church celebration, which happened a few months after our court wedding (I am going to start EMDR now to help me remember details and process through some trauma). I feel absolutely horrible and like there is nothing good. I listen to your videos saying "When we made our vows we never thought we would do such thing..." ...I feel very alone and like the only one who has done such thing since the very very beginning. The only time I can look back and seem "100% clean" is when we were dating. I guess I'm not even sure what my question is. I feel stuck when I look back and think of what I've done since day one. I am working on recovery from addiction and I understand that I was living a double life and that this is behavior was happening long before I met my wonderful husband. Any words of hope, wisdom, advice? Is there any one you know with a similar story?